yo

(clik so you can see the arts betterz!).

here it is.

yo dudes

sickest muffins i've ever made:

a cup or two of flour.
tsp-ish baking powder.
almost half a cup of maple syrup.
a bit (1/4 c?) of brown sugar.
one mashed banana.
a lot of vv.v.v GOOD dark choc.chips.
THIS IS THE EXCITING PART:
yogurt! half a cup or so + pour in any juice that has settled on top. MMMMM. (just enough to make the batter wet/look like a muffin batter).
bake at whatever until they look done.

ok worst picture ever:

they are seriously so moist and the yogurt gives them such a delicious, rich flavour. also you could pretend you're eating something healthy because you didnt add butter or oil?

food porn!

re: how to be a huge fatty

the other night on conan...tyler and i are laying in bed, watching tv:

conan: ppl with a tv in their room are more likely to have weight problems.

us: uhhhhhhhh...nervous laughter.

conan: even more likely if the tv is resting on a fridge.

us: silence.


BUT JUST SO YOU KNOW...our fridge only usually has alcohol in it..we dont keep food in there, duh. sigh.

how to be a huge fatty:

eat all the potato chips in all the stores in all the land. then, make your own.

slice some normal potatoes tres thin. preferably ones with thin skin (yukon gold) so you dont have to peel them.
do the same with YAMS or SWEET POTATOES. (what's the diff. between those suckers anyways?)

heat some oil pretty hot in a deep pot/pan..just a couple/few inches is fine.

fry in teeny tiny batches***. you can basically make this whole process last all night! FUN! your house will smell like greasetown USA and if you live with peeps they will hate you and so will anyone that can smell it. do not share with these ppl.

salt/pepper as soon as they get out of the oil...maybs put some garlic powder on the white potatoes, but dont gotta. UPDATE: on half the white potatoes, i sprinkled a mixture of salt, pepper, garlic powder, parsley flakes and sugar. GOOD TASTING IS THIS FOOD COMBO.

YUMMY CURRY DIP FOR THE SWEET YAM POTATOES WHATEVER.
yogurt.
curry powder.
white sugar.
lemon juice.
cayenne pepper.
hot pepper flakes. (to make it look cool).
note there is no salt because the chips are already salty as hell woops put too much on them!

***when you get to the sweet potatoes, add a bit of toasted sesame oil...it'll be DELISH. only a touch because that shit is expensive, yo.

also, it might seem like you have been working forever and hardly have any. that's because you keep eating them all. fatty. mmmmm they are delicious.

maple banana-chocolate chip MUFFS

muffins.

im expanding my no recipe empire, and baked without a recipe. so i have no clue what to say here..i will try:

1 or 2 cups of bisquick (this cheating probs is what saved me and made the stuff into a baked-GOOD).
1/4 cup or so of milk.
less than that of veg. oil.
big handful of chocolate chips
1 leftover piece of chocolate from christmas with peanuts in it. (EFF. i just a moment ago had a bite of one and was all, 'eww this tastes like peanut butter!'. now i get it).
almost half a cup of maple syrup. (my dad gave us about 5 gallons last year and we've barely made a dent in it. i think it smells a bit like mold now).
a few shakes of cinnamon!

ok i think that's it. oh, well mix it all up and bake for i dont know..10ish minutes at 450! preheat your ovens (start your engines? hahahahaaaaaaa sigh.) before even starting because you'll be done before your oven is even ready! loser!

then i turned more gay and made 'maple butter'. which just means i dumped some more moldy maple syrup in some butter. MIX THAT SHIT UP.
ok, and here's the realest gayest truth: then i packed it into a small tiny lid and hardened it so hopefully soon i can take it out and it will be in a nice little shape which i can place on each plate along with a muffin. GHEY.

ps: for all the fans out there, i will take a picture with luke's camera and put it up here one day. maybe.

bum explosion

ok this is a story about an amazing dinner i/we made and the repercutions.

last night we made a..i dunno what you'd call it...basically a copy-cat red lobster dinner...ewww. ok i just looked at their menu and i cant find anything like it, exactly, PHEW!

ok soooo first, there was some 'coleslaw'.
julienne green cabbage, shred carrots, green onion, oh and radish!
dressing supes simple: cider vinegar, olive oil and honey. oh and s&p.
let that sit for an hour at least please.

ok now here is where i lied. i did make something exact same as RL. those biscuits? made them.
liiike 2 cups bisquick, 1 c milk, 1/2 c cheddar, a bit of garlic powder and parsley flakes right in them and then on top too with melted butter. delish. (oh bake at 450 for 10ish mins).

then we made some kind of seafood pie THING.
make mashed potatoes. i put cream, butter, sour cream, garlic and old white cheddar in them.

poach cod (or any white fish) and shrimp in milk.

make bechamel sauce...i added garlic, lemon and parsley to mine.

arrange cod/shrimp in the bottom of tiny casserole dishes, pour sauce over top (oh! also we sauteed crimini mushrooms and green onions and added those too), then top with the mashed potatoes. sprinkle some extra cheese on top of those suckers. broil on high ffffffor...i dunno...4ish minutes..probs less than 5.

it looked a lot like this but this is not a picture i took.

eat it.
puke all over.
through your bum.