thyme

i hate you and i love you the exact same.

it's one of my favourite herbs (IF NOT THE ONLY FAVOURITE) but it is the biggest bitch to get off it's fucking stem!!!!!!

(im making some kind of pasta with onion/garlic/mushroom/tomato/thyme boring sauce right now and had to take a break from wanting to stick my fingers into my eyes and digging out my eyeballs).

FUCK YOU THYME YOU TASTE AND SMELL SO GOOD.

one thing i made this year

more like.

ok turkey burgers+apple SLAW.
i hope this will be and has been extremely educational for all of you fans. omg i wrote 'dans'.

ok wait till im done my salad. which you will never see the recipe for because it is mediocre at best.

ok.

READY? OK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sigh.

turkey burgers:
ground turkey
1 egg
bunch o bread crumbs
lots of fresh rosemary
tablespoon or so of maple syrup
salt and pepper probably
hmmm what else was in them........
oh diced onion!

that's all, simple. (oh, let sit for a bit so the ingredients are sure they know where to stay do you know what i mean? SO THEY CAN SET AND FORM ETC. then grill the shit out of them. well no, dont do that. but bbq them good-ly ok? they dont take too long well guess it depends on thickness. just dont eat them raw and also dont bbq them so they're not juicy k).
OH I FORGOT ABOUT THE TOPPINGS. could've been better. used a white wine mushroom sauce+added some grainy mustard to it + lettuce and tomato. def. room for improvement. do whatever you want!

SLAW:
sliced onion
shredded apple
red cabbage
(i think that's it)
dressing-
apple cider vinegar
touch o olive oil
honey
fuck i think that's it too. super simple dinner duh.
(oh, mix it up...let it sit for a while so the flavours become bff's but not too long that they get soggy. uhhhh eat it).

also i would recommend drinking an alcoholic adult cider beverage with this meal. when would i not? but seriously, the appleyness goes well with duh apples but also rosemary flavouuuuuur not flavour real rosemary.
CIDER SERIES:



ok fuck this i am listening to a song that is too good and i need to concentrate on that BYE!

this is a blog about homemade awful things

another fucking card:

i think this is the worst and also the best card i've ever made. ok. worst because it obviously is a piece of shit, best because it is so sincere.

one thing i gayed today

this card:


my face:

bye i am boring.

hi mom

i bet you read this all the time, but dont read/look this time!
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im going to lush right now to get something hippy-smelling for your feet! kbye!

this looks like shit

(more like vomit i guess), but doesnt taste like it!

this is good to make if you are going through a phase where you think you're in france having a picnic. have a glass of white wine with it.
oh right what is it not vomit...it's just egg salad basically.
hard boil eggs, duh. (let them cool, peel, mash up etc you're not idiots).
add a tiny bit of mayo (i dont really like it, maybe i didnt add any at all now that i think about it).
tsp. or two of grainy mustard.
a 1/2 dozen or so smashed up capers.
s & p! that's all. seriously.
i ate it with a couple melba toastseses.
and wine.

*love erin.

yo

(clik so you can see the arts betterz!).

here it is.

yo dudes

sickest muffins i've ever made:

a cup or two of flour.
tsp-ish baking powder.
almost half a cup of maple syrup.
a bit (1/4 c?) of brown sugar.
one mashed banana.
a lot of vv.v.v GOOD dark choc.chips.
THIS IS THE EXCITING PART:
yogurt! half a cup or so + pour in any juice that has settled on top. MMMMM. (just enough to make the batter wet/look like a muffin batter).
bake at whatever until they look done.

ok worst picture ever:

they are seriously so moist and the yogurt gives them such a delicious, rich flavour. also you could pretend you're eating something healthy because you didnt add butter or oil?

food porn!

re: how to be a huge fatty

the other night on conan...tyler and i are laying in bed, watching tv:

conan: ppl with a tv in their room are more likely to have weight problems.

us: uhhhhhhhh...nervous laughter.

conan: even more likely if the tv is resting on a fridge.

us: silence.


BUT JUST SO YOU KNOW...our fridge only usually has alcohol in it..we dont keep food in there, duh. sigh.

how to be a huge fatty:

eat all the potato chips in all the stores in all the land. then, make your own.

slice some normal potatoes tres thin. preferably ones with thin skin (yukon gold) so you dont have to peel them.
do the same with YAMS or SWEET POTATOES. (what's the diff. between those suckers anyways?)

heat some oil pretty hot in a deep pot/pan..just a couple/few inches is fine.

fry in teeny tiny batches***. you can basically make this whole process last all night! FUN! your house will smell like greasetown USA and if you live with peeps they will hate you and so will anyone that can smell it. do not share with these ppl.

salt/pepper as soon as they get out of the oil...maybs put some garlic powder on the white potatoes, but dont gotta. UPDATE: on half the white potatoes, i sprinkled a mixture of salt, pepper, garlic powder, parsley flakes and sugar. GOOD TASTING IS THIS FOOD COMBO.

YUMMY CURRY DIP FOR THE SWEET YAM POTATOES WHATEVER.
yogurt.
curry powder.
white sugar.
lemon juice.
cayenne pepper.
hot pepper flakes. (to make it look cool).
note there is no salt because the chips are already salty as hell woops put too much on them!

***when you get to the sweet potatoes, add a bit of toasted sesame oil...it'll be DELISH. only a touch because that shit is expensive, yo.

also, it might seem like you have been working forever and hardly have any. that's because you keep eating them all. fatty. mmmmm they are delicious.

maple banana-chocolate chip MUFFS

muffins.

im expanding my no recipe empire, and baked without a recipe. so i have no clue what to say here..i will try:

1 or 2 cups of bisquick (this cheating probs is what saved me and made the stuff into a baked-GOOD).
1/4 cup or so of milk.
less than that of veg. oil.
big handful of chocolate chips
1 leftover piece of chocolate from christmas with peanuts in it. (EFF. i just a moment ago had a bite of one and was all, 'eww this tastes like peanut butter!'. now i get it).
almost half a cup of maple syrup. (my dad gave us about 5 gallons last year and we've barely made a dent in it. i think it smells a bit like mold now).
a few shakes of cinnamon!

ok i think that's it. oh, well mix it all up and bake for i dont know..10ish minutes at 450! preheat your ovens (start your engines? hahahahaaaaaaa sigh.) before even starting because you'll be done before your oven is even ready! loser!

then i turned more gay and made 'maple butter'. which just means i dumped some more moldy maple syrup in some butter. MIX THAT SHIT UP.
ok, and here's the realest gayest truth: then i packed it into a small tiny lid and hardened it so hopefully soon i can take it out and it will be in a nice little shape which i can place on each plate along with a muffin. GHEY.

ps: for all the fans out there, i will take a picture with luke's camera and put it up here one day. maybe.

bum explosion

ok this is a story about an amazing dinner i/we made and the repercutions.

last night we made a..i dunno what you'd call it...basically a copy-cat red lobster dinner...ewww. ok i just looked at their menu and i cant find anything like it, exactly, PHEW!

ok soooo first, there was some 'coleslaw'.
julienne green cabbage, shred carrots, green onion, oh and radish!
dressing supes simple: cider vinegar, olive oil and honey. oh and s&p.
let that sit for an hour at least please.

ok now here is where i lied. i did make something exact same as RL. those biscuits? made them.
liiike 2 cups bisquick, 1 c milk, 1/2 c cheddar, a bit of garlic powder and parsley flakes right in them and then on top too with melted butter. delish. (oh bake at 450 for 10ish mins).

then we made some kind of seafood pie THING.
make mashed potatoes. i put cream, butter, sour cream, garlic and old white cheddar in them.

poach cod (or any white fish) and shrimp in milk.

make bechamel sauce...i added garlic, lemon and parsley to mine.

arrange cod/shrimp in the bottom of tiny casserole dishes, pour sauce over top (oh! also we sauteed crimini mushrooms and green onions and added those too), then top with the mashed potatoes. sprinkle some extra cheese on top of those suckers. broil on high ffffffor...i dunno...4ish minutes..probs less than 5.

it looked a lot like this but this is not a picture i took.

eat it.
puke all over.
through your bum.

sweet potato soup...

roast sweet potatoes.
peel. dice.

dice an onion, put it in a waiting pot with olive oil. salt that shit. add sweet potato.
this is where it gets gross.
add water/any kind of stock (beef preferably), and then a tablespoon or so of TOMATO PASTE and like 1/4 cup of MUSHROOM GRAVY.
ok back to normal.
umm a tsp or so of nutmeg (whole, grated if you are a douche like me!), more so of cayenne pepper..probably wont need any salt because of all the salt in those gross things already added.

bring to a boil, simmer for as long as you can stand it. blend well. oh then add 1/2 cup or so of sour cream and a tbsp or so of butter.
THE END.


it is one of my favourite soups that i have made.

LET'S PRETEND WE'RE IN ANTARCTICA. (what?).

ok last night for dinner, i (with a bit of help from tyler he dealt with the noodles!) made some asian-y cold noodle salad. ugh.
boil some rice noodles, put them in an ice bath to stop cooking/cool them off.
chop up carrots, cucumber, celery, whatever you want really..julienne them. that's what i mean...long and thin!
dress the noodles with some kind of dressing, duh. i got lazy and just used some sesame ginger stuff from a bottle. who am i kidding it's not just 'stuff' it's NEWMAN'S OWN. god i love that man's salad dressing. the end.

ok now i have a crush on paul newman. i did not know that.

missed the boat

today, ok fine, YESTERDAY i made some kind of vegetable paneer curry THING.

saute an onion, some garlic, add a can of diced/crushed tomatoes, oh fresh ginger too...
this is where it gets really crazy and you add every spice you have: tumeric, mustard seeds, nutmeg, cinnamon, garam masala, cumin, hmmm what else...just some generic 'curry powder' in case you missed something..ok maybe that's all the spices...oh salt! and honey so it's not bitter tasting..
then i added cauliflower and peas and paneer and butter.
the end.
oh also make some rice (jasmine or basmati) and eat it on top of that.
now the end.
ps: let the curry cook as long as you can stand smelling the delicious smell and not eating it. regardless, it will taste EVEN BETTER tomorrow if you can believe that.

it may or may not have looked something like this.

is this going to be all about food?

probs should've been from the start.....

ok i made delicious mushroom soup with onions (obv), garlic, a mix of beans...god that's just about it...lots of fresh thyme, oregano, a bit of red wine....blend it a bit...the end...oh salt and pepper...serve with a dab of butter on top..mmmm.

very ORGANIC and NATURAL-LOOKING and it basically cured me of any technology-related disease i might have had you know? cleansed.

today

i made the yuppy-est lunch ever. smoothie with banana, strawberries, plain yogurt, honey and cinnamon because spices are soooo good for you. 'expensive sandwich' on this wonky olive bread with hummus, ALFALFA SPROUTS, cucumber, green onion and mustard. oh, and one piece of leftover sushi. im not even kidding.



i dont think it will make it into the diarrhea log, but it was still annoying.

hai

today i made (started) a 'diarhhea log'. im going to write down what foods i ate any time i have diarhhea to hopefully self-diagnose ('diagnose'looks so wrong but i assure you and myself that it's not), what irrates my stomach.
the end.

DEAR LUKE:

last night i made a really delicious dinner! this isnt worth posting nor is anything because i make really delicious and pretty things all the time. erin plus cali ROXXX though!

ok here is the recipe anyways...it was a pasta full of very umm southern italy things, i think.

ok, first you can GRILL SOME MEAT. i used kielbasa, which is some kind of meat stick...here look, just like this:

ok and it's polish, whatever moving on:
you slice that junk and bbq it.

caramelize onions and mushrooms..deglaze with red wine..add some fresh garlic and roasted garlic (oh yeah roast it before--this meal requires PLANNING and is COMPLICATED). umm maybe add a tin of diced tomatoes here, i also added tomato paste just because there was already a can open in the fridge...hmm what else...some pitted black olives, capers, sundried tomatoes...cayenne pepper...yeah put all that stuff in...chop it up though ok? oh and when the bbq meating is done, chop that up a little and add it to the pot...MEANWHILE, boil some salted water and cook some fresh linguine...that is what happened last night anyways...when it's done add some olive oil and that's it. put the saucey junk on top and top THAT with fresh grated romano and fresh oregano/sage mixture...uhhhh fresh pepper if you want and salt. KOSHER.

also had some garlic-ish bread with fresh garlic, roasted garlic, asiago and boursin herb and garlic spread thing oh and butter on it too. it was diet night!

oh and a very simple salad with radish and cucumber with a herb dressing.

oh and then i made a chocolate cake again.


EATING TABLE.

*love erin.
ps: dear luke again, do you like the song 'autonomy' by the buzzcocks? it's playing now and has a pretty rad riff i'd say!

monday, january 7th, tuesday, january 8th wednesday, january 9th thursday, january, 10th

one day.

im counting this as another because i am fucking lazy and this blog is going to hell anyways.

i didnt make this, no.

dirty laundry.
i am NOT stretching, no.

today i made a song. with tyler. i will post it somewhere soon, promise. there are a lot d+ and e+ chords.

saturday, january 5th, SIKE!

today i fucking made the bed. fuck.

doing chores and saving lives.

'today i made an important life decision when i put BUTTER ON MY CAKE'.
(click to enlarge, duh).

dawgz

this blog is getting better and better as i get creativer and creativer.

hang on sloopy

this really pretty arrangement in a vase. (one of three i got at a yard sale beside my mom's house for a dollar IN TOTAL).

why theory

i made these things grow real good. jk's! well kinda. the sage is doing alright, but the rest just want to commit suicide. sorry little dudes!